I don't get it

As I've mentioned before, I'm at a complete loss as to what to wear these days. Honestly, I go shopping and I aimlessly wander, just trying to find something I like. Then I get home and am DETERMINED to find something online that I'll like. Except, I never do. I just get annoyed that either, A) it's out of my price range (funny how living in the country will change your idea of expensive really quick), B) inappropriate to wear to my casual office (don't wear heels, fancy-ish shoes/clothes, but yet don't wear sweatpants or even sweatshirts), or C) REALLY UGLY.

Since I consider myself "out of the loop" when it comes to fashion, it could be me. However, I do think I have a fairly decent eye for classic style, and believe me, this stuff does not fit into that category.

1 - I'm really SICK of those curvy cardigans...and I'm over the layered look. Short sleeve sweaters are incredibly impractical when you live in the Tundra.
2 - Color block? Really? I swear I had that sweater in the 6th grade, no lie.
3 - Now, I'm not completely opposed to this sweater, I think it's called a "dolman" sweater? However, those "bat wing" style arms just annoy me.

4 - Does this sweater look good on anyone? Talk about making you feel fat and shapeless.
5 - I HATE FUNKY LENGTH SWEATERS. HATE, HATE THEM. They look sloppy to me and I swear they're only flattering on little, tiny people. And even then it's debatable.


So! If you wear these types of clothes, don't worry - you're obviously much more in fashion than me cause you're wearing something that's current. I am sorely not in style these days. And it chaps me, badly. Not like I have tons of money, but I feel like Julia Roberts in "Pretty Woman" when she comes back from shopping on Rodeo Drive and all the snooty women won't help her and she pulls out big wads of cash, saying that she HAS money but NOBODY WILL HELP HER.

I feel like I'm ready to shop, want to shop, and can't find anything to save my life! I need a personal shopper. Taking applications.........now :)