With Hadley, I wasn't able to breastfeed exclusively due to low supply, but I did supplementally nurse her for about three months. Once I got pregnant with Harper, I was so dang determined to breastfeed her, and was certain that my low supply with Hadley was due to having a c-section. I did all the reading about breastfeeding, bought all the supplies and was ready to put that baby to the boob the second she came out (after my successful VBAC!)
Well, it didn't work quite like that. She came out weighing 8 lbs 2oz, but just two days after her birth she was down almost a whole pound (just like Hadley.) To say I was devastated was an absolute understatement. I remember sitting in the hospital with the sweetest lactation consultant after they had just gotten done weighing her, and hearing that the doctor wanted us to start supplementing with formula right away, and just crying and crying as the nurse prepared the bottle of formula for her.
So at a few days old, we started supplementing with formula. It was an exhausting month - nursing her, then giving her a bottle of formula, then pumping, and starting it all over again like an hour later. During all of this it did seem as though she wasn't satisfied with just the breast, and I was always so discouraged by how little I would pump (the most I would ever pump was maybe 5 ounces combined after a 3-4 hour stretch?) The formula definitely helped chunk her up, though!
{For the record, I never minded giving her formula because I thought it was bad for her. I just wanted to be able to feed her all on my own. I mean, the stuff stinks to high heaven but I'm all about just feeding your baby.}
We spent the summer following this routine, and come early August we went to spend a weekend at Brad's family lake house. Harper was just over 3 months old and for whatever reason, she was an absolute wreck that weekend. I think there was so much commotion with so many people that she was on overload, so I spent a LOT of time in the bedroom nursing her. Once the weekend was over, I realized that I had only given her a tiny bit of formula and that she had seemed pretty content. I contacted the lactation consultant we had worked with and arranged to do some weight checks throughout the next few weeks and just see how she would gain if she was just on my milk.
Lo and behold, she continued to gain even as we pulled back on the formula. I had tried taking supplements to increase my supply - I had done ALL THE THINGS, actually: supplements, oatmeal, gatorade, essential oils, breast massage....you name it, I tried it - and the only thing I found that made my milk more plentiful was drinking lots of water.
Within a month, and by 4 months old, Harper was exclusively being breastfed. I was absolutely shocked and elated that for whatever reason, my milk had ended up being enough for her. I have NO idea why my milk is so scant in the first month or so, but it is. I also gave up the pumping/bottles because it was just more work than anything, plus I figured it was best for her to get as much milk from me as she could. This ended up being a bit of a mistake, ha.
So fast forward to today - she's 9 months old and is obsessed with nursing, which is both a good and bad thing. I have dealt with milk blisters (which....OUCH - it's basically a blister on your nipple. sorry for the #TMI), the low supply and still needing to supplement very, very occasionally (thanks to my sister in law, who is a milk making machine! We've been able to supplement with breast milk, which is a huge blessing) and now we're dealing with the fact that I'm about ready to be done but Harper is just not. And the worst part is that she's really not a fan of bottles. Honestly, if she would take a bottle easily, I would probably start the weaning process.
I think for me, the hardest part with breastfeeding is that I am not one of those fortunate women that loses tons of weight while nursing. I think because I make just barely enough for her that my body holds onto literally every single calorie it gets. This has been more than a little discouraging, because it turns into this internal battle of "what's more important - baby being fed by me or mama feeling good about herself?" There's no easy answer as both of those things are so important....but for now I keep choosing to feed her. But that's also because she won't take a bottle, lol.
But even with all of the hard parts - the low supply, blisters, constant attachment, and not losing weight - I wouldn't trade any of it for a second. It has been so rewarding to me to know that I'm her food source, and that there's literally nothing more nutritious on earth than breastmilk. I love that I can soothe her when she's hurt or upset, and that her physical connection with me is the last thing she experiences before she goes to sleep every night.
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